It's midnight in Luddenden,
midnight in Luddenden,
midnight in Luddenwhen
all of a suddenden
here comes a shape in a cloak and a hood.
They're holding hands in Luddendenfoot
and there's trouble in Luddenden,
trouble in Luddenden,
Luddenden, Luddenden, Luddendenfoot.
Luddendenfoot, Luddendenfoot,
they're forming a circle in Luddendenfoot,
but the frumpy librarian's really a witch
who's bedding a druid from Hebenden Bridge -
hubble and bubble there's trouble in Luddenden
trouble in Luddenden,
Luddenden, Luddenden, Luddendenfoot.
Luddendenfoot, Luddendenfoot,
they're closing rank in Luddendenfoot.
Round the back of a hut
a goat gets killed with a woodenden clubenden,
chickens are slaughtered,
Catholics are neutered,
the queen of the covenden
working up phelgm with soya milk bubblegum
gobs on the grave of the great and the goodenden
curses the vicars of Mixenden, Illingworth, Warley and Ovenden.
Look, Mother, look,
in the locked-up, blacked-out community centre
they're burning a book. Nothing is sacred -
they're writhing and shaking, they're stark bollock naked
they're painting their genitals green and magenta,
they're veggies as well but they're eating placenta
they're all in a huddleden
daubing themselves with henna and mudenden,
here comes the knife and here comes the bloodenden.
Call for the cops -
there's trouble in Luddenden,
trouble in Luddenden,
trouble tonight and it's double in Luddenden,
Luddenden, Luddenden, Luddenden, Luddenden,
Luddenden, Luddenden, Luddenden, Luddenden,
Luddenden, Luddenden, Luddendenfoot.